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The Machine Celebrates the Bloated Beer Bellies of Viral-Quasi-Celebrity-Land

Published Sun, 09 Mar 2025 13:14:09 GMT

I am one of the many billions of world citizens who had no idea who Bert Kreischer is, and after seeing The Machine, a wide-release, sub-Nic-Cagean riff on his beer-can-size meta-quasi-celebrity, I could hardly care less. You’d need to look to the Trump presidency to find a more odoriferous example of our 21st-century American desire to elevate pure asshole-ness, and at least Trump kept his shirt on. Apparently, in real life, Kreischer was a titanic alcoholic frat bro in the ’90s at Florida State U, big enough to have been profiled in a Rolling Stone article about party schools. Oliver Stone thought it’d make a movie, and commissioned a bunch of scripts, one of which got turned into National Lampoon’s Van Wilder micro-franchise in the aughts.A Florida Man incarnate, Kreischer decided to capitalize, and launched a stand-up career telling yarns about his glory days as a souse. His capstone story happened on a school trip to Russia (he was unaccountably taking Russian-language classes)...

CCS baseball playoffs: Santa Teresa wins Division IV title with another shutout

Published Sun, 09 Mar 2025 13:14:09 GMT

SAN JOSE — No one can score off these guys.Santa Teresa concluded the Central Coast Section playoffs with a 27-inning scoreless streak.The Saints were coming off a remarkable 14-inning shutout of Leland in the Division IV semifinals, a game in which the team’s two top starting pitchers went seven innings apiece. So Anthony Dela Cruz was called upon to take the mound in the biggest game in program history.Dela Cruz hadn’t pitched more than four innings in a game this season, but all he did Saturday was throw seven innings of four-hit shutout baseball as Santa Teresa won the first CCS baseball championship in school history with a 2-0 win over Palma at Excite Ballpark.“He’s been our closer at times during the year,” Santa Teresa coach Patrick Hawk said. “He’s been our number three starter when we’ve had a three-game week and I knew this kind of competition, this moment would not be too big for him.”Baseball: Santa Teresa Anthony De...

Oakland A’s struggles: When’s the last time an MLB team started this poorly?

Published Sun, 09 Mar 2025 13:14:09 GMT

OAKLAND – Oakland A’s right-hander James Kaprielian hasn’t experienced anything like this before. He’s pretty sure none of his teammates have, either.In fact, for well over a century, no player on a Major League team has lost on such a consistent basis as the A’s have this season.Thanks in part to their own miscues and some misfortune, the A’s allowed four runs in the third inning and lost 5-2 to the Houston Astros on Friday before a postgame fireworks-influenced crowd of 13,345 at the Coliseum.At 10-43, the A’s, now on a season-high nine-game losing streak, have the second-worst record of any big-league team since 1900, only ahead of the 1904 Washington Senators, who were 9-41 after 53 games (with three games called with the score tied).“This is a challenge. I mean, this is tough,” said Kaprielian, now 0-5 this season. “I’ve never gone through something like this. I don’t think anyone has. We’re historically losing games r...

CANNES PHOTOS: See standout moments of glamour, humor and reunion as the festival draws to a close

Published Sun, 09 Mar 2025 13:14:09 GMT

CANNES, France (AP) — The Cannes Film Festival always commands a certain amount of awe.The appearances by cinema royalty, the nightly parade of high fashion and the festival’s ability to launch filmmakers and films large and small onto the global stage all combine to produce an array of eye-catching moments during the 12 days of Cannes.As the festival draws to a close Saturday, see some of its standout moments through the lenses of photographers for The Associated Press.From its first day, the 76th edition demonstrated its ability to draw attention, hosting Johnny Depp’s return to cinema with the opening night film, “Jeanne du Barry.”While some were irked by the emphasis on Depp — who told the AP “I didn’t know what planet I was on” during his appearance for the premiere — the festival quickly turned the spotlight onto other stars.Michael Douglas accepted an honorary Palme d’Or and kisses from his wife and daughter at the top of the festival’s famed Palais stairs. Harris...

EU at the crossroads of fight for environment amid growing opposition to law to restore nature

Published Sun, 09 Mar 2025 13:14:09 GMT

BRUSSELS (AP) — The European Union has been at the forefront of the fight against climate change and the protection of nature for years. But it now finds itself under pressure from within to pause new environmental efforts amid fears they will hurt the economy.With the next European Parliament elections set for 2024, some leaders and lawmakers are concerned about antagonizing workers and voters with new binding legislation and restrictive measures and are urging the 27-nation bloc to hit the brakes.Since Ursula von der Leyen took the helm of the powerful European Commission back in 2019, environmental policies have topped the EU agenda. EU nations have endorsed plans to become climate neutral by 2050 and adopted a wide range of measures, from reducing energy consumption to sharply cutting transport emissions and reforming the EU’s trading system for greenhouse gases.But cracks in the European united front against climate change have emerged in recent months. The first sign was earli...

CIF state track and field championships: Numerous Bay Area athletes advance to Saturday’s finals

Published Sun, 09 Mar 2025 13:14:09 GMT

It was quite an opening act for Bay Area athletes at the California Interscholastic Federation state track and field championships.Counting relays, more than 50 competitors from the Bay Area News Group’s coverage area advanced on Friday through the trials and into Saturday’s finals at Buchanan High in Clovis.Leading the way was a trio from the Santa Clara Valley Athletic League: Homestead’s Evan Gardner, Palo Alto’s Kinga Czajkowska and Los Gatos’ boys 4×400 relay team.In the boys 800, Gardner broke a personal record by more than two seconds to qualify first with a time of 1:52.47, nearly a second faster than Hughson’s Joseph Lighthall, who had the second-best time in 1:53.45. Gardner’s previous PR was 1:54.71, which he set at the Central Coast Section finals.In the girls 1,600, Czajkowska went four times around the track in a personal-best 4:49.03, the fastest in the prelims by nearly a second and more than three seconds quicker than h...

CCS baseball playoffs: Bellarmine’s phenomenal pitching, timely hitting nets D-II championship

Published Sun, 09 Mar 2025 13:14:09 GMT

SAN JOSE — Paul Montgomery was the story of the game.The senior right-hander heading to Cal Poly-SLO for college was simply dominating Friday, pitching a three-hit shutout with one walk and nine strikeouts at Excite Ballpark as Bellarmine defeated Leigh 2-0 for the Central Coast Section Division II championship.“It was nerve-wracking but I’m glad I got through it,” Montgomery said. “It was super exciting.”Montgomery improved to 7-1 on the season and lowered his ERA to 0.93.“Paul was unbelievable,” Bellarmine coach Nate Sutton said. “Over 100 pitches, out there all night, hitting his spots, a tremendous job, Hats off to him. He’s been unbelievable all season.”High school baseball: Bellarmine pitcher Paul Montgomery (11), left, celebrates win team after winning 2-0 against Leigh during the Central Coast Section Division II championship at Excite Ballpark in San Jose, Calif., on Friday, May 26, 2023. (Josie Lepe for Bay ...

Oakland Section baseball playoffs: Skyline holds off Tech, wins third consecutive title

Published Sun, 09 Mar 2025 13:14:09 GMT

Skyline established itself as a dynasty on Friday afternoon, claiming its third consecutive Oakland Section title with a 3-0 victory over Oakland Tech at Laney College. Senior pitcher Joseph Salazar was phenomenal for the Titans, throwing a complete game and striking out four while allowing just five hits, all singles. Salazar was just as fearsome at the plate, where he went 3 for 3 and scored two runs. Fellow senior Michael ODonal had Skyline’s other hit, a double off Tech’s Drew Kaplan.Skyline scored one run in the first inning and two more in the bottom of the fifth.Related ArticlesHigh School Sports | CCS baseball playoffs: Bellarmine’s phenomenal pitching, timely hitting nets D-II championship High School Sports | CCS baseball playoffs: Santa Teresa wins Division IV title with another shutout High School Sports | NCS softball playoffs: How California captured its first section title – ‘This was our year to be great...

Indiana visits Atlanta following Gray’s 26-point game

Published Sun, 09 Mar 2025 13:14:09 GMT

Indiana Fever (0-2, 0-2 Eastern Conference) at Atlanta Dream (1-1)College Park, Georgia; Sunday, 3 p.m. EDTBOTTOM LINE: Atlanta plays the Indiana Fever after Allisha Gray scored 26 points in the Atlanta Dream’s 83-77 win against the Minnesota Lynx.Atlanta went 5-13 in Eastern Conference games and 8-10 at home during the 2022-23 season. The Dream allowed opponents to score 81.5 points per game and shoot 43.2% from the field last season.Indiana went 2-16 in Eastern Conference games and 5-31 overall during the 2022-23 season. The Fever allowed opponents to score 89.1 points per game and shoot 47.4% from the field last season.INJURIES: Dream: Danielle Robinson: out (knee).Fever: None listed.___The Associated Press created this story using technology provided by Data Skrive and data from Sportradar.Source

Chicago plays Dallas for cross-conference game

Published Sun, 09 Mar 2025 13:14:09 GMT

Dallas Wings (1-0, 1-0 Western Conference) at Chicago Sky (2-0, 0-1 Eastern Conference)Chicago; Sunday, 6 p.m. EDTBOTTOM LINE: Chicago faces Dallas in non-conference play.Chicago went 14-4 at home a season ago while going 26-10 overall. The Sky averaged 24.3 assists per game on 32.7 made field goals last season.Dallas went 10-8 on the road and 18-18 overall last season. The Wings averaged 82.9 points per game last season, 15.9 from the free throw line and 23.4 from deep.INJURIES: Sky: Ruthy Hebard: out (personal), Isabelle Harrison: out (knee).Wings: Lou Lopez Senechal: out (knee), Diamond DeShields: out (knee).___The Associated Press created this story using technology provided by Data Skrive and data from Sportradar.Source